Sharing Points from The Ethical Slut...

1. We are respectful of others' feelings, and when we aren't sure how someone feels, we ask.
2. Friendship is an excellent reason to have sex and that sex is an excellent way to maintain a friendship. (48)
3. Being able to ask for and receive reassurance and support is crucial.(66)
4. Remember to honor the courage it takes to ask for support, the share vulnerable feelings. (66)
5. Faithfulness is about honoring your commitments and respecting your friends and lovers, about caring for their well-being as well as your own.(66)
6. Once you have made a commitment to spend time together for and reason, keep it...(68)
7. By treating lovers as people, and letting relationships take the shapes they want instead of the forms forced on them by the culture around them, ethical sluts can form friendships that last as sex waxes and wanes. (81)
8. The real test of love is when someone sees our weaknesses, our stupidities, and our smallnesses and still love us. (119)
9. Avoid treating your partner as a resource for getting your rocks off.(176)
10. You must value and welcome all of your lovers as the wonderful, brilliant, unique human beings that they surely are. (211)

I have listed ten points that I have taken and applied in my life. By reminding myself of these I have already seen an increase in my inner happiness and peace with myself.

Thoughts and Words...

"Even one's thoughts one cannot reproduce entirely in words." - Nietzsche

Every individual has had complex ideas that don't get fully realized. Why? It is usually due to a lack of words to describe the thought. Our minds are able to produce ideas that extend beyond human vocabulary. Individuals will try to use other means of communication to share ideas. Some individuals will use visual projections/images to share thoughts. And other individuals will use sounds/music to convey an idea. But when an individual uses each of these three senses at the same time they can usually get the thought across.

...from The Te of Piglet...

"Let's find a way
Today
That can take us to tomorrow-
Follow that Way,
A Way like flowing water.

Let's leave
Behind
The things that do not matter.
And turn
Our lives
To a more important chapter.

Let's take the time,
Let's try to find
What real life has to offer.
And maybe then
We'll find again
What we had long forgotten.
Like a friend,
True 'til the end,
It will help us onward.

The sun is high,
The road is wide,
And it starts where we are standing.
No one knows
How far it goes,
For the road is never-ending.

It goes
Away,
Beyond what we have thought of;
It flows
Away,
Away like flowing water.

Accepted Offer to Attend SFSU.

Tonight I decided to accept my offer to SFSU for Fall 2011. It is exciting and a relief at the same time. Now all I need to do is concentrate on the remaining semester at CCSF and look forward to a relaxing summer?

The past two years of work is now paying off..only two more years and I will finally have a degree.

Creative or Eccentric? Or Maybe a Creative Eccentric?

I have often had ideas that I have no idea where they come from. Such as the time while in that in-between stage of being asleep and awake where I have done mathematical problems involving advanced physics that I have not even been introduced to. And when I am able to remember to write down what I can remember, I am not that far off. There is the theory that we all hold stored memories in our unconsciousness, but most are suppressed because our consciousness wouldn't be able to handle all that information. 

Cognitive disinhibition is likely at the base of reasoning for these abilities. When the filters are relaxed, such as that moment between sleep and wakefulness, ideas have the freedom to flow back and forth. Many refer to these as the aha! moments. Is there a way to harness this ability and consciously control this barrier? Is there a way for a person to be creative without losing their social function? Many highly creative people sacrifice this in order to focus on their inner world and allow this creatively to flow freely. But there must be a way to balance it? 

Can one focus on their inner world and still be present in the outer world around them? 

I believe so. I believe that I am a highly creative person. I do admit that I have some social skills that are lacking. I get highly anxious and nervous in large crowds. But this is something I can learn to adjust with mindfulness exercises. I do have odd thoughts, but nothing that interferes with my day to day activities. (or if they do, I don't recognize them and they have not been pointed out to me.) I will research this more and post my  findings. I hope to find exercises that allow me to relax those filters and all free thoughts and ideas to flow from my unconscious to conscious and vice versa. 

Joyless Persons...

"A single joyless person is enough to create constant discouragement and cloudy skies for a whole household, and it is a miracle if there is not one person like that. Happiness is not nearly so contagious a disease. Why?" -Nietzche

How Many Chances Does One Person Get?

How much can someone care for another person and keep getting dumped on. I understand that it is all attributed to a substance abuse problem this person has. But how long can the care stay valid and when does it just not matter anymore?
I think that the care is pretty much gone from my soul. When someone can't care enough for themselves they can't allow someone else to care for them. I am using care in place of the word love. What I am feeling now is not love for this person. But I do care for them. I know the love is there, it just needs to be nurtured and reignited. But that will not happen until this person starts to care and love themselves again.
Self destructive behavior is such a terrible thing to watch happen to a person. They fail to see it in themselves and the further down the hole they go. I can look around the house and I can see and feel that love is absent.
I now see that it is gone...and it is not coming back. It is time to move on. I cannot let the disease that is spreading through this house to effect me any longer. Life to too short to continue living in a negative space.

It has been one of the greatest learning experiences. I learned how to not resort to my previous self destructive ways that lead to actions that I would regret. What a wonderful learning experience....

Letter of Admissions to SFSU Received Today...

It really helped to bring me back to reality on why I was on this journey and re-ignite my motivation. The past few weeks have been really tough on my emotionally. This letter though helped to raise my spirits and realize why I am doing all this. To better myself so that I can contribute positively to humanity.

My Way is Not Always the Right Way...

When I started working on my list of agreements on our relationship I really had to think about what I was writing and why. I need to remind myself to look at both sides of an agreement. I need to make sure that I am using it to practice not-blaming, not-judging, and not-manipulating. I need to be careful that I am not trying to control the relationship. I need to understand my partners feelings and emotions. This will lead to new and better agreements/resolutions (1).
I need to realize that resolutions will not always be immediate. If we come to an agreement that we do no agree on, we both will step away and take time to think about the disagreement and revisit it at a set time. This will take a lot of flexibility on my part. I will need to acknowledge my feelings and not let my emotions take control of a situation.

1. Easton, Dossie; Hardy, Janet. The Ethical Slut. Berkeley. Print. 2011. pp157.

The Slut that I AM!

I grew up in home that taught strict religious beliefs. I was threatened time and again that if I was to "stray" from the rules I would be cast out and bring shame and disgrace to the family. Many religions instill fear in it's followers. But the religion I grew up in didn't believe in any flexibility. So when I discovered that I was attracted to boys, I was only 12 at the time, I was mortified. Not only was I mentally breaking one rule with wanting to have sex. I was breaking another, wanting to have sex with other guys.
I spent the better part of the next 26 years toiling with these feelings of guilt. At the age of 25, I admitted to myself and to the world, I was gay. Even though it brought me freedom, it also brought a number of other issues. I still clung to the thinking of monogamy. Of having one partner and only one for life. I didn't know there were other ways of thinking about relationships. And least of all, I didn't know how to define my sexuality. I went through many relationships. Now that I look back, I understand why they failed and what I did incorrect.
At the urging of my current partner and a friend I picked up the book The Ethical Slut. I read the book cover to cover in about six hours. Then continued on for the next three hours reviewing and making notes. I was instantly within nine hours a new person. I now understood my frustrations in regards to sex. I understood why I felt jealousy. I understood that I really need to explore my sexuality and how to do this in a safe way. (Mentally safe). How to do this and understand my feelings. Sex is one of the things that we as humans have that brings us great pleasure and is easy to share with consenting partners.
**to be continued**

True Understanding..

Worldly Wisdom
Do not stay in the field!
Nor climb out of sight. 
The best view of the world
Is from a medium height.


What is the field that is mentioned here? The field can be morals. The field can be a cultural beliefs. The field is any idea or belief that an individual or group identifies with. When it is said "Do not stay in the field", the writer is advising us to not forget that there are other views of these fields. That we should step out of the field and attempt to gain an understanding of how other see the same field.
But the writer also warns about completely ignoring the field. The field is easy to ignore when we remove ourself far away from it. The saying, "ignorance is bliss" comes to mind when this phrase is read. Do not become ignorant of the field, but become aware that there is a field and attempt to understand it. But if we are not in the field and not completely out of sight of the field, then where should we be?
We should attempt to be in the center. We should attempt to understand the field from all sides. When we take the time and actually understand the field we get a better understanding of why the field is important. We understand that having a balanced take on the field (issue) we can make better decisions about ourselves and how we affect society. And in the end, we understand how to positively promote humanity and further the welfare of everyone that shares this wonderful world.

Modifying My Understanding of Human Sexuality and Relationships.

Mankind evolved to think that monogamy is how relationships succeed. The percentage of relationships that fail due to infidelity is high. Among gay men, these statistics are much higher. Why is this? Does society need to adopt and evolve a new way we understand human nature? We no longer need the primitive feelings such as jealousy to protect our successful passing of our genetic material. But how do we modify our minds so that those primitive feelings don't cause a relationship to fail?

These are some of the questions I hope to answer over the next few days. I will post my findings within this post. I will write my conclusion in a separate blog and look forward to the feedback.

God is Nature

"There is nothing "god" can do that we can't do!" Once we understand that we created god to answer our questions about nature and that nature is something we can control, we have truly started the next step on humanities evolution.

Listening to My Inner Child...

One of my fondest memories is the summers I spent as a little boy helping my grandmother Bernice tend her garden. We would pick lots of carrots, beets, parsnips, and potatoes. My job was always to wash off all the dirt and make them nice and clean. She would show me how to pick the ripe tomatoes and leave the ones that needed a day or two longer on the vine. We picked baskets and baskets of peaches which she would can and store in the storm shelter. She always had the best garden in the neighborhood. I miss those days. 

I wonder what she would say to me these days. What words of wisdom would she impart on how to mend my broken heart? Would she have me tenderly wash the dirt away? Would she tell me to leave it on the vine a couple of more days, it isn't quite ripe yet? Whatever she would say, it would be just the right thing. 

She left this world all too soon. I know her spirit is with me and always has been. That is why I write this today. I wish everyone could have met my grandma Bernice. She was the strongest person I have ever known. And I know that is why I have turned out to be the person I am today. 

It took 38 years to start discovering the true me. But I wouldn't have it any other way. The lessons I have learned through my life experiences have shaped my soul. The pain and sense of loss that I am going through will eventually pass. And again, it will add to my life and make me that much stronger of a person.

Wherever you are mamaw, I will make you proud.

I miss you EVERY day...there is not one day that has gone by since August 22, 1985 that I haven't thought about you. I love you. Travis 

When "The Singularity" Becomes a Widely Understood Term...

**will post on 29 April 2011**

Beginning a New Blog

This is the beginning of a new blog that I will use to chronicle my attempt to become more self aware. I will share my experiences and lessons that I acquire along the way.
Humanity is evolving at an ever increasing rate. We are reaching a point in history where we will define what and when the evolution occurs. This will require an all new ability of self awareness in order to stay on the fore front of this evolution.
I will also use this blog to write about the current innovations and discoveries into the evolution/enhancing of our minds and our bodies and what it means to be human.
"The future is already here; it's just not evenly distributed." -William Gibson