I grew up in home that taught strict religious beliefs. I was threatened time and again that if I was to "stray" from the rules I would be cast out and bring shame and disgrace to the family. Many religions instill fear in it's followers. But the religion I grew up in didn't believe in any flexibility. So when I discovered that I was attracted to boys, I was only 12 at the time, I was mortified. Not only was I mentally breaking one rule with wanting to have sex. I was breaking another, wanting to have sex with other guys.
I spent the better part of the next 26 years toiling with these feelings of guilt. At the age of 25, I admitted to myself and to the world, I was gay. Even though it brought me freedom, it also brought a number of other issues. I still clung to the thinking of monogamy. Of having one partner and only one for life. I didn't know there were other ways of thinking about relationships. And least of all, I didn't know how to define my sexuality. I went through many relationships. Now that I look back, I understand why they failed and what I did incorrect.
At the urging of my current partner and a friend I picked up the book The Ethical Slut. I read the book cover to cover in about six hours. Then continued on for the next three hours reviewing and making notes. I was instantly within nine hours a new person. I now understood my frustrations in regards to sex. I understood why I felt jealousy. I understood that I really need to explore my sexuality and how to do this in a safe way. (Mentally safe). How to do this and understand my feelings. Sex is one of the things that we as humans have that brings us great pleasure and is easy to share with consenting partners.
**to be continued**
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